Relationships need maintenance!

hands.jpgRelationships that have no maintenance will almost always break up. What causes a relationship to break up? How can a relationship be maintained?

  1. Lack of trust
  2. Demands that are unreasonable
  3. One partner sees problems and wants to deal with them, the other sees nothing wrong
  4. Cheating
  5. Nagging
  6. Moving for a job
  7. Differences in raising children
  8. In-laws
  9. Lack of communication

Trust– If 2 people cannot trust each other they have a relationship problem at the get go. Why is one or both of them not trusting? Did something happen that created this issue between them? Trust is a key ingredient to any and all relationships. Before entering into a relationship, determine if there are things that you can foresee in the near future that can be a trust issue and address it before entering into a serious relationship.Unreasonable Demands- When I say unreasonable demands it can be a blevy of items. It typically is that a partner wants the other partner to do something that they are uncomfortable with. For example, spend every waking moment with one another despite the fact that at least one of them has to work for a living to support themselves or the family (I mention this because it is an issue that friends of mine are dealing with). It may be that one partner gives the other an ultimatum about something that is unrealistic (ie. its me or your family, friends etc). Communication is key and working out the problems and coming to some common ground is always advisable.One partner sees a problem the other does not – Listen this one can be tricky, but if one person in a relationship sees there is a problem with something and the other does not, does the problem exist? Of course it does…it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and if something bothers one person in that relationship then the relationship has an issue that the couple must deal with in order for that relationship to thrive, grow and have both people happy.Cheating– that one is a no brainer. Once the sacred bond of a relationship is broken by cheating, it is very difficult to get back. Even those people who say it makes their relationships stronger always have an inner doubt of mistrust lingering. If the person who cheated says it was a mistake and it will never happen again, thats a tough one to swallow. From personal experience, once a leopard shows its spots, they never can change them as much as we want them too. I would advise a lot of therapy or marriage counseling if both parties want to make their relationship work after cheating. Figure out what the cause was for the person to cheat. Then deal with the reason and take care of that.Nagging – Harping on something over and over and over and over again to your partner is never a good thing to do. Eventuallyit gets tiring and all the other person wants to do is run away from you. If something bugs you or you want your partner to do something, make sure they are listening and ask them in a nice manner, but only ask once. What I find effective is I embrace my husband and look into his eyes and ask him what it is I want him to do and usually he does it. Do I ask a second time, sometimes but never more.Moving for a job – If the job pays enough and one of you have to move for it, go for it. Long distance relationships do not have a great track record, but I am a firm believer that if it was meant to be it will be. If you truly want to make your relationship work, then I would consider moving along with your partner and finding a job of your own in the same vicinity.Differences in Raising Children– This is a tough one. Everyone enters a relationship flying high on love and wanting to have that white picket fence with the car, kids and a dog. But we do not really talk about child rearing before we get married. Its a good idea to use hypotheticals and talk about it even if it seems silly just to have an idea as to whether you and your partner would even be on the same page with this one. Differing in child rearing can play a damaging part of a relationship. Communication is a biggy in this one. You and your spouse should have a plan of action for the kids depending on the severity of the actions of the child(ren). Sometimes coming to a compromise with your spouse in how to deal with different childhood issues are a good idea.In-laws – meddling in-laws can be a very big issue in relationships. Hopefully your in-laws like you before you get married so you can avoid some of the issues that are in this category. Since you and your husband have made the vow to love and honor each other that means that the 2 of you have to take control of your own lives and do what is in the best interest of your relationship. The in-laws had their turn at being married and starting their lives together, now its your turn and you have to make sure you have a united front when the in-laws come to town. If you do not have the united front in place when it comes to the in-laws, that’s when problems can arise between you and your partner. Remember you married each other for a reason and the in-laws were not part of that reason.Communication– Communication is important at every point of your relationship. Without communication there really is no relationship. Make time to sit down and talk to each other everyday. If you have kids, it is so important that the 2 of you have time for yourselves. I have a date night with my husband every Saturday night. Even if we have no plans we get a babysitter and go for coffee just to talk. Its a great time to relax and get back to basics with your partner.I am sure I am missing points on this list. Do you have points to add?AddThis Social Bookmark Button

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One thought on “Relationships need maintenance!

  1. ANY RELATIONSHIP HAS IT’S UPS AND DOWNS WHAT MATTERS IS TO NOT LOSE FOCUS OF WHY YOU ARE TOGETHER IN THE FIRST PLACE THEREFOR THAT WILL KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP SUSTAINED IN THOSE TIMES.

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