Some of us are so happy being single and enjoying our freedom than when we finally decide to go back to check the dating scene, we find ourselves completely lost, like if we have been sleeping for ten years. If we are dating after a very hard beak-up, or after divorce or widowhood, our expectations are usually the same and our worries are very similar, so I found this 9 tips that can help all of us relax, open to new options and improve our chances to find true love.
Tip 1: Be nice…to yourself. You need to treat yourself just the same way you want others to treat you and the same way you want that special person to treat you. A life coach once said: Know that you’re worthy and deserving of only the best. Attracting love into your life starts by developing the attraction factor from the inside out.
Tip 2: Accept that you have to move on. For some widows specially, start dating can feel like “cheating” their late spouse or boyfriend, that’s completely normal, but remember that you need to move on, to accept the fact that he’s not longer there with you and even if it is very sad, you deserve to move forward with your life, to find someone who loves you and to accompany you.
Tip 3: Check your competition. This will not only tell you what’s “hot”, but will help you realize what sets you apart from other women of the same age, neighborhood, so you can appreciate it and use it as a strong point. Remember that what makes us different makes us stronger. So don’t feel ashamed or worry because you are different or you think you are not “hot” anymore.
Tip 4: Identify what you want and what you don’t want. That’s like the first step to set a goal, you need to realize, analyze and identify what do you want, what do you expect from a date and a potential relationship. Is also important that you draw your line of the things you won’t accept in a man, it can be drugs, alcohol problems, kids from earlier marriages…there can be many different things different women won’t accept, so before deciding to go on a date, you’ll have to make sure that you are going out with the right person, with a person you’ll fully accept. If you are going on a blind date, then try to learn as much as possible about him on the first date.
Tip 5: Ask for what you want. This is tightly related to the previous tip, once you have identify what you really want, then you’ll have to ask for it. You can’t just settle down for whomever comes along, you don’t have to just accept a man because you think there won’t be a next one. You deserve the best, you deserve what you ask for, and if this guy won’t give it to you, you can trust that there will be someone there ready to give it, you just need to be patient.
Tip 6: Learn about his values and interests. Even if looks are definitely important for some people, values are probably the most important in a relationship. You need to learn about the things he appreciate the most, about his ideals and hopes, about his moral values and also about his interests. While I don’t think a relationship when both have the same interests will work, a relationship still needs both partners to have similar interests, other way you’ll never be interested in each others and you’ll never admire or enjoy his company.
Tip 7: Be honest about yourself. When on a date, or when you are just starting to think the possibility of dating again, you need to be honest about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and sell yourself. You need to let him now what do you love, enjoy or admire about yourself. That way he’ll notice you and he’ll find confidence on you. Just be careful not make everything about yourself on the date, or to tell him something about you that might scare him.
Tip 8: Stay fit and with a good presence. I’m not asking you to become a top model just to start modeling, but you definitely need to look healthy, clean and fit (physically or mentally) You can try joining a gym or a dancing or yoga class, they really help you relax and stay active. Shave, plug your eyebrow, do your manicure, do anything you usually do to feel beauty, because if you feel beauty people around you will feel the same, specially your date.
Tip 9: Relax. Specially the first date of your new dating life can be very stressful, but you need to relax, and take it like a fun experience, rather than like a test. Try doing some meditation before the date, or choosing a place close to your place and where you can feel comfortable. Sometimes the place itself might be a very stress factor. If you choose a place close to your home, if you don’t feel completely relaxed or comfortable on our date, you can run and get home easier. Something that usually helps me relax is to think about a first date like a job interview, where you’ll be the one hiring and he’ll be the one trying to impress. You’ll soon realize that most of the time he’s as nervous as you, and just the idea of him trying to impress you can be very relaxing, you just need to sit back and wait for him to play his game.