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One morning I woke up happy and enjoyed playing with my kids that day. At lunch I got a phone call that a loved one had died. It was the most horrible day. 2 days later I woke up having just spread his ashes and facing going through his things and watching his life get parted out and walk away. I woke up sad and dreading that day wishing it would end quickly. But that night found me with my husband on a mountain making camp and celebrating the life we just said goodbye to. We were happy and full of a profound peace.
Who could have known when I started each of those days that they would have ended in that manner? And if these things are possible then why not others on days where I wake and follow the script society has left by my bed for me to act out. Up all night caring for a sick child and the kitchen is a mess? Do I have to wake up deciding that I’ll be miserable and tired? I choose to start over. What if I forget I was up all night and act as if I had a good night’s sleep? Been cleaning out the closets and you have awoken to stacks and boxes? Start over.
I faced being one of the families who endured a foreclosure. And as it got closer and I lived out each day, each month, each night of anger and pain, when the day came that it was no longer mine, who could have known the freedom and joy I would feel on knowing it was no longer my problem? Why did I have to make it so horrible? Because society says it’s a bad thing. But what if it’s a good thing? Then I just look crazy, but I feel good. And I have no regrets, start over.
I had a fight with my lover and went bed angry and woke dreading the talking it out. What a beautiful day outside I thought. I started over. My happiness was contagious and after coffee we found ourselves on a river in a canoe watching birds and rocks and fishermen go by. And the day was beautiful. Start over.
I had to buy groceries and pay bills and the day started with coffee and dread. Yet this was to be the day my son would tell me he loved me. One for the books to be sure. Start over.
What are these things we agree are bad? Why do we buy into them so easily and let the groups, the masses, say to us, this is who you are and this is how you shall agree to live your life. You shall mourn death and be very sad and if you feel happy too soon, surely something is wrong with you. You must dread paying bills and hate the grocery store and changing poopie diapers. You must fight with your teen and hate housework.
If you wake up and know that today you must clean out the garage, it will be hard and boring and you agree to get up wishing you could be doing something else. But what if you started over? What if in cleaning out the garage you also travel down memory lane and relive times that make you cherish the few years you have left with your teen? And what if you find items that neighbors could use and you see them smile when you hand it over? And what if after that hard work you soak in the tub and feel your muscles ache and you feel alive and like you accomplished something? Would you say that’s a good day?
Last night I went to bed having lived 2 days in one and my work incomplete, my husband recovering from surgery. I was up all night with him and then my son. Then the alarm went off.
Because when the messy den is the first thing I see and the phone is the first thing I hear I start over. Because those toys were put there by a boy that one day won’t live here anymore and that phone call will be someone who will probably earn me money. And those eggs I have yet to cook will remind me that I can feed my family good food and that I am a good cook. And when my husband is gone to work and I sit down with my coffee, to write and hear the silence in our home as my babies sleep, I know it’s a good day. Any day writing, any day with coffee and any day that begins with my husband’s face is a good day to start over. And after all, I wrote this article today. And you are reading it. And who knows how it may change you. So I was right when I woke up today and said, wow, I’m starting over. It’s a good day.
And you are now reading this because you were busy working or looking for something and then you found me. What happened to you today? Did you sit in traffic? Are you running errands, planning a trip or another day that will be good? Now you can start over.
Did you eat something you shouldn’t have, skip your workout and not drink enough water? Tonight you can start over. And tomorrow you can wake up knowing that today is the day that you are filling your water bottle and preparing to drink more water. And today you can take a few hours and take the kids to the park and run and play with them. You can make an extra lap and you can say no to a donut. And when you go to bed you’ll know you turned things around. And you made it yet another day closer to feeling sexy and beautiful.
So if you woke up today and knew you wouldn’t get to the laundry again, why not start over? Pile it up and put it by the washer. Write a note to a friend and draw a heart on a piece of paper and slip it into a lunch. Those alone are good enough reasons to celebrate that today you started over.
Teresa Bondora counsels others on the realities of losing weight, and support in the sciences. Check out her book and web site online at www.HowToTeachScience.com
To all the husbands out there – do you want to help your wife de-stress and take out some of the pressure she has at work and home? Check out the following ways you can do so:
1. Clean and romanticize the house. Nothing can stress a working woman more than coming home to a dirty house after a long day at work. If you happen to have a day off or you arrive home earlier, try to make your place a lot more orderly and romanticize it by either running a soothing bath or adding fresh flowers.
2. Serve her favorite drink as she gets home. After a tiring day, blow your wife away by having her favorite beverage ready for her when she comes home. Whether it’s her favorite coffee blend, some kind of shake, or a frosty iced tea, she’ll surely love indulging in it while resting.
3. Give her a massage. Of course, this is one of the surefire ways to fully please and relax a woman. I can’t remember a woman I met who doesn’t like massages, even once in a while. If you don’t know how to give massages, then now is the time to learn and surprise her.
Do you have more suggestions?
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So you’ve been set up by a friend with a certain guy you don’t exactly know too well, and you’re nervous of how it will turn out. It may be with a long time crush you fervently want to impress but scared to do so, or someone totally new that you’ve got no idea how to act in front of. Don’t worry, almost everyone is apprehensive of first dates and you’re not alone. No wonder there are many first date guides in magazines and relationship websites. The following are just two of the more interesting tips I stumbled upon.
Look yourself. Do not waste your time trying too hard to look like someone you’re not. If you naturally love looking glamorous and trendy, then go ahead and be glam. But if you’re the type who’s more comfortable in casual wear, then don’t be afraid to go casual. After all, the point of a date is to be acquainted with someone and to know each other for a possible friendship or relationship. Trying to be someone different just to impress is like fooling him and yourself. Of course, this does not mean you should not look good. Do prepare for the date and be the most beautiful you that you can be.
Do not share or blab too much. So you finally sit on the date and find out that the guy is pleasant and likable. Before you get all comfortable and share your life story, remember that first dates are first dates. Leave a little mystery in the air. Even though a person may seem nice and attracted to you, it takes a lot more for you to really know if someone can be trusted, so take it slow.
Care to share your first date tips?
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I’ve loved playhouses since I was a kid. Simple or extravagant, I could stay in any playhouse and be in my own world for hours. This is why my eyes lit up when I saw this image of a pretty Victorian playhouse. Complete with all the works, this lovely play place is designed and built by Alan Mowrer and can be custom made upon your order. Just request what you or your kids want to incorporate in the house, be it running water or cable connection! You can even have a communication system in it.
You can choose from various house styles and colors. As for me, I fell in love with the pretty and elegant Victorian style house as it is. Definitely a perfect gift for any kid you want to surprise.
They say women are the weaker sex when it comes to our emotions because we tend to cling more to our partners and fall apart when expectations aren’t met. Of course, a lot would also disagree, saying that it’s the men who are weaker and who really need us. Regardless of what your view is, if you find yourself losing control of your emotions and you’ve been told that you’re too emotional or unstable, it may be time to assess yourself and see if you’re still at the top of your game when it comes to relationships, career, or any other aspect of your life. The goal is not to be emotion-less but to strike a better balance for a more productive you.
For instance, do you find yourself unable to focus much on anything when your boyfriend or husband is away or out of town? It may mean you’ve become too dependent on the partnership that you forgot how to take on life just through your own eyes and goals. Having and depending on a partner is great but remember that nothing is permanent and at the end of the day, a great partnership is made up of two strong individuals who compromise for love and not of two weak individuals who can’t function without the other.
Have you been called self-centered or self-righteous? Do you feel that you often talk about yourself and your experiences instead of listening to what others have to say? Being too focused on your self is also a sign of emotional instability because you feel the need to assert yourself time and again. While it is not wrong to be confident in expressing one’s thoughts, doing it excessively just tells the world that something is wrong with you, and instead of getting respect, you’ll end up being pitied or hated.
Care to share your own thoughts on this?
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Your wedding can be one of the most important and beautiful days of your life. Step by step planning goes into this one special day for the bride. One of the things on your list of todo’s has to be choosing your bridesmaids. This step is often not thought too hard about by others. But this is a very important step that HAS to be done early. For the bride to be, as soon as her soon-to-be hubby pops the question two things pop in mind; the dress and the bridesmaids. Need some help choosing between your dozen closest friends and your long lost relatives, all of whom have now shown up because they want to be in the wedding. Here’s some tips on choosing those lucky few:
- How many – this is determined by how many people you want at the wedding. A large wedding will call for more bridesmaids. Smaller weddings mean you can have few.
- Choose those you care about – this is your special day, choose women who will be there for and were there for you in the past. You want the ones you love close.
- Responsibility – Make sure you keep in mind whoever you choose will need to be responsible. All the love and friendship in the world doesn’t count for anything if they don’t show up!
- Money – Being a bridesmaid can be a bit costly. If the person can not afford to be one, unless you are footing the bill, you may want to find something a little less expensive for them to do.
- You were in their’s, She has to be in mine – just because she made you a bridesmaid 10 yrs ago doesn’t mean you have to make her one now. It seems discourteous but that’s just how it is. Feelings change, maybe when she got married you guys were “bestest friends”, but now you rarely talk. Bridesmaids should be those you care about now.
Bridesmaids will play a very important role in your wedding. Choose carefully because one person can ruin your whole day. Make sure you surround yourself with love, fun and responsible people and your day will be great.